


Trusting

by bythelightofthenight



Series: Tumblr Prompts [5]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: M/M, Sharing a Bed, i don't do that often i guess, i mean this is mostly mush, surprise miller's pov
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-04
Updated: 2015-08-04
Packaged: 2018-04-13 00:47:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4501347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bythelightofthenight/pseuds/bythelightofthenight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For the prompt</p><p>#12 things you said when you thought i was asleep</p>
            </blockquote>





	Trusting

**Author's Note:**

> i'm sorry i'm just doing these all at once
> 
> [original](http://natharmiller.tumblr.com/post/117889969887/minty-number-12)

The first time Miller heard Monty talking in the middle of the night was a few weeks after they’d escaped the mountain. Monty had always been the talkative type, often just overshadowed by his even mouthier best friend, but Miller hadn’t realized it continued even in his sleep. They’d only been sleeping in the same bed since moving to the camp. Before that it had only been a few nights in the mountain, fueled by fear and loneliness.

That night he’d rolled around after hearing the quiet mumbling, only to find the boy sleeping soundly beside him. In the morning when he asked about it, the boy denied knowing about it.

It didn’t take long for Miller to catch on. If possible, he’d stay awake with his eyes shut and breathing deliberately steady. Monty’s fingers brushed over his cheek at some point, and then the talking would start. There was no chance these were the mumblings of a sleeper, the words too consistent and even in tone.

At the time Miller started listening, Monty was discussing his own childhood with himself. He’d tell stories and memories of his life, wondering if something could’ve made things different, until it suddenly stopped. When Miller opened his eyes to check, the boy had actually fallen asleep.

Things got clearer as the nights progressed. Monty had gotten to the point in his stories where they were being sent to the ground. He talked about Jasper sadly now. Before, he had been an integral part of Monty’s memories of better times on the Ark. Their fight before the war had only been the first blow to their friendship. Monty thought he should’ve seen their distancing coming somehow.

Sometimes Monty talked about Miller. He described feeling safe around him in the mountain after seeing him in his element at the camp. He also wondered if they would’ve gotten together without the mountain. The thought was shaken off quickly, however. Monty didn’t want to owe the mountain anything else.

During the days Miller tried to ask if Monty wanted to talk about anything, but the boy always shut him down, saying both of them had to get back to work. Without an answer, all Miller could do was lie closer to the boy at night, hoping his presence had anything to do with the strange story times. He desperately wanted to talk to Monty, but he didn’t know how without having the boy push him away completely. And Miller was too far gone to even think about being anywhere but right next to the boy.

“Monty?” Miller said quietly one night.

“Yeah?” Monty turned to look at him over the book he was reading.

“You know that I trust you, right?”

Monty frowned at him. “Of course.”

“And you can trust me too.”

“I know that.”

“Good –– Good, I just wanted to make sure we were on the same page”, Miller huffed and rolled over so his back was towards the boy.

“Hey”, Monty’s body pressed against his back as he dropped the book on the floor over the edge of the bed. His arm wrapped around Miller’s waist, cold hand resting against his stomach. “I’m not lying. I know I can trust you. Just give me a little time, okay?”

Miller covered his hand with his own. “Okay.”

Monty pressed a kiss to his cheek before they both settled more comfortably and tried to get some sleep.

That night Monty talked about their last day in the mountain. It was the hardest thing Miller had had to listen to. Monty’s words were shaky against the back of his neck and he had to stop many times to keep himself together. The only thing that helped him through it was that at least now Monty’s arms tightened around _him_ instead of his own middle like on their first days outside.

When Miller woke up the next morning, he gathered the boy into his arms and held him to his chest. He stayed like that until Monty’s eyes fluttered open. Monty didn’t look him in the eye but he didn’t have to; Miller saw he knew.

They didn’t talk about it, but Miller noticed Monty sticking closer to him all day. There were unnecessary touches, a hand on his thigh, fingers brushing his hip when they passed. Miller didn’t know whether to feel uneasy or good about it. He didn’t like the idea of something _big_ coming up and changing what they were.

While listening to Monty, he’d expected to hear something about them not working. He’d waited for the other shoe to drop each night but the blow didn’t come. It wasn’t that he wanted it to happen, but what they’d gone through had only taught him that nothing good is actually as good as it seems. Because while Monty had so much going on, _Monty_ was the only thing he really had going for him.

Their relationship seemed like the only thing he had a say in, like he was an equal part of it. The mountain had robbed them from their free will, and after escaping it was the Arkers that brought a new set of rules in again. Sometimes Miller missed their first days on Earth. He imagined what it’d be like to go back to those days with Monty. Their time wouldn’t be restricted by work schedules, and they’d be free to do whatever the hell they wanted. But freedom wasn’t given out for free.

That night he took his time before going to bed. He turned his back to Monty again after pressing a kiss on his lips. For once he was almost actually asleep when Monty cleared his throat.

“You know I’m not doing this because I don’t trust you, right? It’s not your fault. But I can’t say these things to your face or I think you’ll walk away from me. At first when you slept through it, it became easier to say things out loud. But still not to your face even if you were listening.

I care about you so much and I can’t always believe you’re still with me after everything. Because what’s really left of me, a murderer? I don’t know. But I guess we just work. And I like that about us. It’s effortless when everything else seems like so much work, you know?

I don’t know if I deserve it, but I’d like to love you one day. I don’t know what love feels like but I hope it’s good. Maybe it’s a little like what we have already. I hope it is.

Maybe things will work out now. Maybe there’s peace in the future. I mean, how many times can we screw things up after all? Something’s got to give. I just want to feel like nothing’s tying us down. Maybe the answer is just to leave like Clarke did. But if this is our home now, I don’t think I’d mind as long as you’re here with me.”

“Me neither”, Miller said quietly after a beat.

He could feel Monty smile against his shoulder blade.


End file.
